Celebrating Mother's Day...Twice

This Mother's Day will be very special for me. On that day, 13 years ago, my little boy Matthew was born. Every few years his birthday and Mother's Day fall together. For me, there is no greater gift I could possibly be given. He is sweet, kind, funny. And even though he was a month early, he is growing into a big and strong young man with a beautiful heart and soul. Every time I see him, every time he smiles his little crooked smile at me, then rests his head on my shoulder and says "I love you, momma", I know how blessed I am.

A friend of mine pointed out this morning that May first is another Mother's Day. It will be Baby Lost Mother's Day, for those mommies that have miscarried or lost a child soon after birth. This past January, my husband and I suffered another miscarriage. It was my 6th. My new doctor did genetic testing on us both and found out I have chromosomal translocation. My chromosomes are misordered and causes major defects in the fetus, trigering miscarriages, stillborns and major birth defects. In very rare instances, a normal healthy child like Matthew is born, making him truly my miracle child. We have options as I can carry a fetus as long as it's not my egg, but nothing will replace the 6 I lost or the pain it caused.

So this year I will celebrate twice. For the baby I have held on one day, and the 6 I have yet to hold on another. One day I will get to meet them. They aren't gone, they are just waiting. My heart and soul tell me so. Until then I will carry them in my heart, and even though I mourn them, I have joy that one day we'll be united. This Sunday, if you know someone who has lost, hug them a little tighter, be a little kinder, encourage them to talk if they need to, or just be there with them if they need to share tears. And remember the little lights we just haven;t had shine on us yet.



My big kid, and the Great Alien Snowman!

 




The tattoo I have on my leg in memory of my lost little ones.