If you're the parent of a Special Needs kiddo, chances are you've heard that phrase or a variation of it before. Special needs like Autism, ADD, ADHD, Dyspraxia, RAD, etc are just a scam on the government, a cry for attention, lack of discipline, so on, blah blah. Someone is always trying to cure these conditions with special diets, meditation, prayer, fasts, military school or telling parents "just whoop their ass." And what should these people be told back? Tell them to shut it. Shut. Your. Ever lovin'. Pie hole. I have both treated children like this and am also a parent of a special needs child. And the last thing needed by families dealing with these issues is an arm chair psychiatrist with an answer for everything. They need support, safe and structured environments for their children, proper treatment and for you to be quiet if you have nothing nice to say. Notice I did not say helpful. Unless you are a doctor or work in behaviour management, you can't really give helpful advice. So don't try.
Twice this week I have read about friends dealing with Know It All Nelly's trying to "fix" or "help", usually by being as insulting or abusive as possible. Do not stand in another person's home and declare their child is in no way special needs and it's just a way to get free preschool just because that child has dared to show improvement. Do not take it upon yourself to confront a special needs child, accuse them of faking it (at the age of 4) and pretty much threaten them. You are just begging for trouble. No one cares what you do or don't believe as far as the truth of special needs disorders. Thankfully, these are not your children. What you would or wouldn't do doesn't matter (unless you touch a child, then God help you.) I tried for years to be polite about stuff like this, tried to educate and such. I'm done now. When people start with "You know what you should do is..." I cut them off at the knees unless they have a special needs child. If they continue, either I leave or tell them to. I do not have the patience for the dumb anymore. Unless you have walked in the shoes of a special needs parent for a million miles, you have no place to put forth. Dealing with your own offspring should keep you plenty busy. And if you don't have a child at all...you need a hobby. You have not shed our tears, stayed up endless nights worrying, fought with and for your child, held them, loved them or had your heart break for them. I am not a bad parent, I am a tired one. I am a stressed parent. I am a hurt parent. I am also a blessed parent. My child, and other special needs children, are unique beautiful souls that God blessed this planet with. They teach us just as we teach them. The only thing I would change about my child is the heartache he has to go through because of people who have the overwhelming need to be jerks. They are a special all their own. And I'm not sure there is a treatment or cure for them.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
Been A Hot Minute....
It's been a while since my last blog post. A good long while. Life has a nasty habit of getting in the way like that. Since last time, we've moved cross country twice, experienced a few losses, had both really good and really bad news and had life pull a 180 in general. And yes, even a new blog name! It seemed a little more fitting considering how my life goes right now. And that the theme in general is about to change. Before this was a spot of your everyday blah blah, but my everyday has changed quite a bit. Instead of "hey, let's try this recipe!" it's become more of "how sick am I today?" OMG, my child is a freshman!!" and "did you here that???" (explanation to come on that one.)
The last 2 years have been a mess of medical smackdowns. I finally had the lower back surgery, though it didn't help much. We made a final decision on trying again for a baby naturally, and after 6 miscarriages have decided it's probably not in the cards for us. As hard as that was to finally deal with, there is a certain amount of peace that comes along with the grief and disappointment. And finally, in the last few months, a shock we weren't expecting. I was diagnosed this last December right before my 36th birthday, with not one but two autoimmune diseases. I am now The Great and Mighty RA/Lupie Girl! Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus (the gift that keeps on giving and you just can;t return for store credit) is a part of my everyday now. They kind of rule what's getting done on any given day, no matter how much I don't want them too. On a good day, I don't hurt too badly, can stay awake, get most of my responsibilities done and maybe even do someting I enjoy. Bad days....well, those are kinda scary. And now I have had the joys of methotrexate, a cancer chemo drug given in smaller doses, added to my life. It's a journey we'll explore in the weeks and months to come.
Matthew, my miraclekid, will be 16 this year. He's a freshman and becoming quite a young gentleman. We are leaving behind the little boy years and entering the first stages leading to young adulthood. He gave his first Valentine this year. Dating will start soon. Maybe even driving. It's a whole new ball game, folks.
And to top it off, I'm part of a paranormal investigation group now. Yep, one of those. We are history buffs, all on our own spiritual journeys, trying to help people in the best ways we can....and live in Southern AZ. It was one of those cases of everything coming together at the right time. So far I've learned a lot and feel closer to God than I have in a long time. I feel like He's about to reveal whatever plan He's had for me for so long. I'll talk about this more too. I want to emphasize, we aren't just looking for spooky places and cheap thrills, we are looking to help people in situations where they are lost and don't know where to turn. Our faiths are leading us to help them. Our members have questions of our own, but also want to serve those who reach out to us. I think it can be a kind of ministry with private clients. I don't speak for everyone in our group of course, but even with differing beliefs, we are showing we can still be on the same page when it comes to trying to help.
And, as always, the Army is still a background to the rest of the daily chaos going on. I'm in a fairly ok truce with the military itself, not so much with a lot of the military community. It's a special place at times. Very, infuriatingly special. And I'm too old and tired to keep quiet about it most of the time these days. There will probably be more than a few instances of putting forth ( a nicer way to say ranting).
So, if you've been nice enough to stay with me up to this point, there ya go. Thanks to Kristie for nudging me to start blogging again. It probably is a good idea. It might even help or entertain somebody, even if it's just her. I hope everyone else will keep me company along this stage of life, too. It should be an interesting ride.
The last 2 years have been a mess of medical smackdowns. I finally had the lower back surgery, though it didn't help much. We made a final decision on trying again for a baby naturally, and after 6 miscarriages have decided it's probably not in the cards for us. As hard as that was to finally deal with, there is a certain amount of peace that comes along with the grief and disappointment. And finally, in the last few months, a shock we weren't expecting. I was diagnosed this last December right before my 36th birthday, with not one but two autoimmune diseases. I am now The Great and Mighty RA/Lupie Girl! Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus (the gift that keeps on giving and you just can;t return for store credit) is a part of my everyday now. They kind of rule what's getting done on any given day, no matter how much I don't want them too. On a good day, I don't hurt too badly, can stay awake, get most of my responsibilities done and maybe even do someting I enjoy. Bad days....well, those are kinda scary. And now I have had the joys of methotrexate, a cancer chemo drug given in smaller doses, added to my life. It's a journey we'll explore in the weeks and months to come.
Matthew, my miraclekid, will be 16 this year. He's a freshman and becoming quite a young gentleman. We are leaving behind the little boy years and entering the first stages leading to young adulthood. He gave his first Valentine this year. Dating will start soon. Maybe even driving. It's a whole new ball game, folks.
And to top it off, I'm part of a paranormal investigation group now. Yep, one of those. We are history buffs, all on our own spiritual journeys, trying to help people in the best ways we can....and live in Southern AZ. It was one of those cases of everything coming together at the right time. So far I've learned a lot and feel closer to God than I have in a long time. I feel like He's about to reveal whatever plan He's had for me for so long. I'll talk about this more too. I want to emphasize, we aren't just looking for spooky places and cheap thrills, we are looking to help people in situations where they are lost and don't know where to turn. Our faiths are leading us to help them. Our members have questions of our own, but also want to serve those who reach out to us. I think it can be a kind of ministry with private clients. I don't speak for everyone in our group of course, but even with differing beliefs, we are showing we can still be on the same page when it comes to trying to help.
And, as always, the Army is still a background to the rest of the daily chaos going on. I'm in a fairly ok truce with the military itself, not so much with a lot of the military community. It's a special place at times. Very, infuriatingly special. And I'm too old and tired to keep quiet about it most of the time these days. There will probably be more than a few instances of putting forth ( a nicer way to say ranting).
So, if you've been nice enough to stay with me up to this point, there ya go. Thanks to Kristie for nudging me to start blogging again. It probably is a good idea. It might even help or entertain somebody, even if it's just her. I hope everyone else will keep me company along this stage of life, too. It should be an interesting ride.
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