If you're the parent of a Special Needs kiddo, chances are you've heard that phrase or a variation of it before. Special needs like Autism, ADD, ADHD, Dyspraxia, RAD, etc are just a scam on the government, a cry for attention, lack of discipline, so on, blah blah. Someone is always trying to cure these conditions with special diets, meditation, prayer, fasts, military school or telling parents "just whoop their ass." And what should these people be told back? Tell them to shut it. Shut. Your. Ever lovin'. Pie hole. I have both treated children like this and am also a parent of a special needs child. And the last thing needed by families dealing with these issues is an arm chair psychiatrist with an answer for everything. They need support, safe and structured environments for their children, proper treatment and for you to be quiet if you have nothing nice to say. Notice I did not say helpful. Unless you are a doctor or work in behaviour management, you can't really give helpful advice. So don't try.
Twice this week I have read about friends dealing with Know It All Nelly's trying to "fix" or "help", usually by being as insulting or abusive as possible. Do not stand in another person's home and declare their child is in no way special needs and it's just a way to get free preschool just because that child has dared to show improvement. Do not take it upon yourself to confront a special needs child, accuse them of faking it (at the age of 4) and pretty much threaten them. You are just begging for trouble. No one cares what you do or don't believe as far as the truth of special needs disorders. Thankfully, these are not your children. What you would or wouldn't do doesn't matter (unless you touch a child, then God help you.) I tried for years to be polite about stuff like this, tried to educate and such. I'm done now. When people start with "You know what you should do is..." I cut them off at the knees unless they have a special needs child. If they continue, either I leave or tell them to. I do not have the patience for the dumb anymore. Unless you have walked in the shoes of a special needs parent for a million miles, you have no place to put forth. Dealing with your own offspring should keep you plenty busy. And if you don't have a child at all...you need a hobby. You have not shed our tears, stayed up endless nights worrying, fought with and for your child, held them, loved them or had your heart break for them. I am not a bad parent, I am a tired one. I am a stressed parent. I am a hurt parent. I am also a blessed parent. My child, and other special needs children, are unique beautiful souls that God blessed this planet with. They teach us just as we teach them. The only thing I would change about my child is the heartache he has to go through because of people who have the overwhelming need to be jerks. They are a special all their own. And I'm not sure there is a treatment or cure for them.
I get sick of being asked what's wrong with my child because from physical appearance, "it doesn't look like there's anything wrong with her". Well, you looked fine, too, until you opened your ignorant mouth. Some people just have no class or compassion.
ReplyDeleteThis is very well stated. I feel like you cannot walk in and tell someone how to raise their child unless you have been there. Unless you have dealt with the temper tantrums, the low self esteem or watching children shun them. We are doing the best we can with our unexpected situations. At the same time I would not trade my son for the world. He is the most compassionate, kind and fun kid I know. I am always challenged to look at the world differently thanks to him and it makes all the fighting and stress worth it.
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